How to Flip the Switch and Pull Power from Your Pain

How to Flip the Switch and Pull Power from Your Pain

Adversity and pain are just as much a part of life as prosperity and happiness. No one is exempt from facing their own difficult circumstances, intense challenges, setbacks, obstacles, and the pain that comes from past failures. Experiencing pain and the hardship that comes from life is simply unavoidable at times. What makes the difference is how you handle and respond to it.

What if I told you that you can use your pain as fuel? What if I told you that those of you who have experienced large amounts of difficulty and failure have more of an advantage than those who haven't?

It is said that the greatest virtue we can acquire and develop is love. The second greatest, I believe, is resilience. If my objective in writing is to encourage you, it poses the question: to what end?

To the end that you develop the virtue of resilience.

According to Webster's New World College Dictionary, 4th Edition, resilience is defined as: "the ability to bounce or spring back into shape, position, etc.; the ability to recover strength, spirits, good humor, etc. quickly."

There are two major ways to handle difficulty. First, you can let it crush you, pressing you into the shape and bitter characteristics of a victim. This is the usual response to traumatic or painful situations. Second, you can use it to fuel you, empower you and push you into something better and stronger. The latter will help you to consciously choose to Flip the Switch. At some point they become aware of the fact that they can use the pain of failure, disappointment, rejection, poverty—and even imprisonment—as the fuel that propels them forward towards a better life, future, position, or contribution.

Becoming aware of this Switch gives you the ability to "flip it" and change the lens through which you see reality (from Victim to Victor). You learn to use the pain of your past failures as the energy you need to succeed.

You can't change the fact that you made a mistake, that your daughter died, that you became addicted and lost all your life's savings. But you can use these hurts as fuel to make a serious comeback.

Allow me to share my own experience with this: I made a series of bad mistakes. Really bad. And the pain associated with these mistakes was overwhelming. 

A friend and I ended up in a police chase when we were both just 18 years old. During that chase, there were gunshots fired out the window. By the grace of God, no one was injured and in all honesty in was really dark, we weren't aiming for humans or in the mindset of actually trying to harm anyone, nonetheless I now know there are other ways we could and should have handled this situation. Yet, among other charges, such as Assault with a Deadly Weapon, we were charged with Attempted First-Degree Murder five times, or more.

First degree implies that we "maliciously" lied in wait for the chance and premeditated/planned the murders of the men chasing us. As a result of these trumped-up charges, I was facing 227 years. We couldn't find a lawyer that was even willing to take either of our cases due to the political nature of them. Consequently, as an ignorant and terrified 18-year-old, I was urged, mentally coerced, and successfully persuaded into taking a plea for 20-29 years.  And it wasn't that hard. I was told "at least you will make it out one day if you do this," by my public defender, who was appointed by the State in which the officers were employed. (Seeing as no one in that area would take my case.) By agreeing to this, I escaped life in prison.

In return, I was forever wrongfully labeled as one who deliberately PLANNED the murders of serval great people—merely failing to do so. That is what that small term "first degree" means.

Life was made extremely hard for me once inside. On June 25, 2015, I was 21 years old. I'd been in prison for nearly 3 years. I got into a fight and was facing six months in solitary confinement (they later turned this into nearly 2 years). Father's Day had just passed. My father passed away when I was 14. I had only met him a couple times. The time I was sentenced to serve was longer than I had been alive. It seemed almost reasonable to circumvent the punishment and just end it then. I told God I couldn't do it anymore. I lost nearly a gallon of blood and woke up in GRACE Memorial Hospital.

That was the moment I became aware of a Switch. I didn't know what it would look like to do the best I could with what I had and, hopefully, make it out somehow a better man. But I Flipped the Switch. I decided I was going to make the most of it, with God's daily help. Shortly after leaving solitary, with my families help, I gained an Associates degree in Theology.

Today, I am still pulling from the pain of my failures and mistakes, nearly 12 years into my sentence. I pull from the pain that I caused the people I put in harm’s way 11/01/2012. I pull from the pain of my grandfather's death. I pulled from my cousin Ryan's suicide when he was 18 years old in Bangkok. I pull from the pain that my family has experienced without me there. I pull from the fact that I've had to push people that I love away to keep them from having to deal with loving someone in prison.

I pull from being born into poverty and difficulty, and the instability and pain of traveling through more homes than my age when I came to prison at 18—and I use it to Flip the Switch, to declare to myself that I will NOT be a victim, nor will I fit into the box that some wish I would. I will NOT settle for mediocrity and a life of crime and barely existing. I will NOT wallow in the mistakes of my past, the person I once was, the label that has been placed on me, or my other disabilities. I will make the most of what God HAS given me: the time I have, the relationships God has graciously sent my way, the resources I have access to, my talents, skills, education.

In Flipping the Switch, I will continuously ask myself: how can I use this situation, challenge, or emotional pain to better my life, my community, my sense of empathy for others, my current circumstances? How can I prevent others from experiencing this pain, these mistakes, or looking at life through the harmful lenses from which I used to see reality? How can I maximize this moment for the betterment of others? How can I make pain pay? Where can I add value? How can I do more?

IF you become skilled at Flipping the Switch—at empowering yourself by channeling your pain—I can assure you that you will have more energy, more commitment, more resolve, and an even greater advantage than the average Ivy League, Harvard grad student with 800's on his SAT's.

In your exercises, your marriage, your career, even in your ministry...you can maximize your returns if you learn this skill. Don't waste time with excuses. God is FOR you.

Like Moses, Joseph, David, Paul, and many others you may know your self—you too can FLIP THE SWITCH.

Be Resilient,

Brandon